CATALYST TO CHANGE
CATALYST TO CHANGE
The following blog leaves me super vulnerable, sharing with your some times in my life that I am far from proud of, but also I am not regretful of at all. These times that were some of the worst in my life I now look back on with gratitude, knowing it has led me on the path I am on today and allowed me to come back to my true authentic self.
We all make mistakes and do things we are not proud of, but these are lessons in our lives that help us grow. It is important to release any self hatred, guilt or anger and lead a life of compassion for yourself.
After all if we don't ever F#CK up in life we would never learn and awaken!
When I was a little girl I can always remember saying and thinking that I would die young. I had a strong feeling deep inside me that something BIG would happen in my 20’s something that would change my life. Back then I predicted and felt what I thought was death, but little did I know that it actually symbolised my awakening!!
When I was 24 I decided to take some time off from my job as a teacher, so off I went with two of my amazing friends on an adventure around Europe for 4 months. I have always been a free spirit with the urge to explore the world, to keep seeing, to keep learning, to keep experiencing. After 4 years in the teaching profession I was ready for a change, to shake up my same old mouse wheel life of 8am-4pm followed by the gym and bed. My soul was crying out for more.
While in Europe this was a massive time of growth and transformation for me, little did I know! I was independent and out on my own, visiting my family in Slovakia who should have basically been strangers to me, but I felt an instant connect of love with them. I felt so blessed to have spent the time I have with my Grandparents in my lifetime before they all passed away over the last few years. But I know and can feel them looking down on me today, my spirit guides guiding me on my right path! Thank you!
**To connect to your Spirit Guides try sitting in silence, closing your eyes and really connecting to your heart, your breath and then as these questions to your higher self:
-Spirit Guides show yourself to me.
-Spirit Guides what are your names?
-Spirit Guides what is it that I need to know?
After my time in Slovakia with my family off we went to Ibiza. The party island!! The entire time heading there I had a feeling of unease, but I couldn’t explain why. My whole life I had been super cautious around drugs and had not really wanted to experiment with them as I had a vision/fear of myself being in hospital and someone ringing my parents to say I had a drug overdose. And guess what?… that time in Ibiza, I experimented with drugs and yep you guessed it I ended up in hospital. My intuition/gut feeling was right, but I didn’t know how to listen to it back then.
I was in a coma for almost a week, as I had a bad reaction to some diuretics that the drug was cut with. At the time I did not know I have a condition where my anti-diuretic hormones can’t regulate my fluid uptake properly and so that is why I had such an adverse reaction. I am not proud of this moment in my life, but I am not regretful of it either. Times in your life that seem like the worst ever and that often you feel guilty about, you look back with compassion for yourself and are thankful for the learnings and growth from the experience.
It was a scary time, mostly for others rather then myself. I had no idea what had happened or what was going on while I was in my coma. I had no idea what my family and friends had to deal with while I was completely consciously unaware of what was going on.
My vision and worst nightmare had come true. It is not until now that I realise just how intuitive I have been my entire life, but sadly while I was growing up and scared to shine my light I was also scared to trust and listen to the voices and guidance in my head.
**What intuitive visions/knowing do you have?
Do you listen to your intuition?
Have you ever thought something and then it happened?
The next wake up call in my life was when I was 27. I had returned from Slovakia and Croatia after competing in the World Titles for Female Figure Modelling (that is another story all together that you will hear later down the track) I got so run down and sick that I had no white blood cells left. I kept pushing and pushing my poor body. No respect for it at all, at the time I thought I was taking care of it by training hard, eating hardly anything in hopes of staying lean and receiving love and respect from others and myself, when in fact I was doing the complete opposite. I was treating my mind, body and soul with very little respect and was not getting the love I was looking for, from myself or others.
Through body building I was searching to love myself, when in fact I was actually hating myself. It is sad but so true. So much harsh internal self talk, so much punishment to my body physically and mentally. Pushing it to literally to almost near death.
I ended up in emergency on Fathers Day, I still remember it like it was yesterday. For 2 days I lay there in uncertainty, still undiagnosed with the possibility of Leukaemia. When I look back I remember just feeling numb, and I was more sad for others around me that felt sad for me. I couldn’t cry, I was more shocked and so exhausted that I couldn’t connect any emotion to the situation at all, I didn’t want others to worry about me being sad and maybe I was too scared to be scared. Looking back I was in complete denial and disillusion of the situation.
I was in a confined space in the cancer ward for almost a week, getting numerous tests and lots of antibiotics pumped into my system. After a week my white blood cell count came up to almost normal again and I was able to go home. Still undiagnosed, and under the strict instructions to REST for at least another month. For me this was so hard. From someone who was addicted to exercise, obsessed over controlling my food and had a massive fear of gaining weight, this was a massive test and learning curve. It felt at the time almost like torture but it was the wake up call I needed to start looking after my body, start respecting myself, start loving myself and to WAKE THE F#CK UP!!!
My body loves me so much that during these times when I pushed it to the limit, each day it fought to keep me alive! It was not my time to die. I have too much on this earth to do in this lifetime. From that day onward I knew that I was put on this earth for a reason, a reason bigger then my appearance, my popularity, my validation from others… all of that means nothing. I am here to shine my light and to help you do the same too. I am here to help change the world.
**What tough times in your life can you look back on now and be thankful for?
What have you learnt from these times?
What have they allowed/inspired you to do/become?
**What tough times in your life can you look back on now and be thankful for?
What have you learnt from these times?
What have they allowed/inspired you to do/become?
Always remember times that seem to be the toughest times in your life are actually the catalysts that you need to change, that you need to wake up and you need to take ownership over in order to start living your true authentic life and self!!!
With love & Light,
Mandy xxx