THE IMPORTANCE OF ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL
THE IMPORTANCE OF ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL
8/3/17
Today marks a time of new beginnings for me. A time I start the next exciting chapter of my life. It also marks a time I promise to myself that I will ALLOW myself to feel ALL emotions as they are.
Today I left the security and comfort of my home, family and friends in Perth and follow my heart and souls callings to move onto my next adventure.
“My soul is calling for expansion, space, freedom and love”.
The lead up to this day (the last month of my life) was one of the most interesting months in a long time.
In January I had made the soul calling decision to move to NZ (I literally meditated and my soul told me to move to CHC) this was a calling I couldn’t resist. I am still not exactly sure why I am being called here, but the adventure of the unknown is what I now choose to embrace. Soon enough I trust I will discover why I was called here. I trust in the Devine plan.
The last month was a month filled with so many emotions I have not felt in such a long time. Anxiety, fear, sadness, uncertainty and excitement all mixed into one. I also had to do a fuck load of letting go!!!
Allowing myself to FEEL these emotions was a big challenge for me, as most of my life I have constantly pushed my “negative” emotions aside in fear of feeling, crying and being vulnerable. I was fearful to let my strong armour down and I was fearful of getting hurt.
Throughout the last few years I have professionally and personally learnt that this is not a healthy way to live and deal with emotions at all. In order to transmute your darkness into light you need to ALLOW yourself to be vulnerable and the feel.
For years I literally couldn’t cry, even when I was so sad and I actually wanted to cry I physically couldn’t cry or feel sad as I had suppressed this emotion for so long.
After doing a lot of inner work, spiritually, mentally and emotionally I can now allow myself to feel and express myself more freely and easily, however, this is still a work in progress.
The last month had brought up alot of my “old conditioning, habits and thought patterns” that I thought I had dealt with and moved forward from. Clearly I had not dealt with them 100% as they had come back to get my attention to work through and to let go of some more and hopefully for good.
Old habits of over exercising, controlling my food, worrying about my weight and keeping “busy” 24/7 had kicked in. I dropped back into my masculine as this is where I “feel safe” with my armour up. I became obsessed with training, food and my weight, as through this uncertain time of transition and letting go, I felt “out of control” and these are 3 aspect in my life that I could control. I had controlled them in the past and I knew subconsciously I could control them again, so back into my old habits I began to slip.
My life felt like chaos prior to my move as my “now” had no stability and I felt as thought I couldn’t move forward and my “future” was and still is completely unknown.
I was fearful, anxious, scared and sad to let go.
I was fearful, anxious, scared and sad to allow myself time, space and stillness to deal with these emotions. I was scared to feel.
I still journaled daily, meditated, stayed connected to nature and did something every day to allow myself to connect to myself and let go/work through emotions- BUT I did not allow myself anywhere near enough space, time and energy to delve into these as deep as I should have gone.
As a result these emotions started to manifest into my physical body. I felt tired, drained, I had poor digestion and bloating and a super tight psoas (a major muscle that runs through your hip flexors, stomach and to your back and is highly associated to storage of lower vibrational emotions).
These physical manifestations appeared as sign from my body to get my attention!!! In the past I would have ignored this and kept pushing myself and keeping “busy” to block it all away.
Thankfully now the stage I am in life and in my journey I am awake and aware enough to listen to the cry for help and attention from my body.
So I was compassionate and forgiving with myself (something that many of don’t do anywhere near enough) and allowed myself to rest, be still, quiet and compassionate with myself.
I let go of the control of my exercise, body and food. I allowed myself “lose control” and to be still and feel.
By letting myself “stop and lose control” I actually allowed myself to transmute my darkness to light and to move forward with trust and faith in my life.
This morning I had to say goodbye to my loved ones, it broke my heart and I allowed myself to cry heaps and after that cry and release of emotions I felt so fucking good!
It was such a release and something that subconsciously I had been wanting and needing to do for the last month but I hadn’t allowed myself to do. I hadn’t allowed myself to “let gol of and “grieve” the last chapter of my life.
My transition to a new country not only requires me to leave my loved ones (who I have unconditional love for no matter how far away I am, who I thank for always supporting my free spirit, and I know I will see again soon) behind but also to say goodbye and leave the “old me” behind.
As I write this blog on the plane from Perth, I say goodbye and let go of the “old me” who used to feel insecure, unworthy of love, unsafe to speak my truth or show my true self, who was so scared to be unloved that she confirmed to societal norms in order to “fit in”, the old me that was hiding. I let go of fear, anxiety and sadness. I let go of not allowed myself to feel and be vulnerable. This feel soooooo liberating.
I now welcome in and embrace the “true me” and the new and exciting unknown journey that lies ahead.
I welcome in the true me that is confident and secure in myself and in my life purpose that I always shine bright and follow my heart. The true me that listens and acts upon the callings of my soul and inspires others to do the same. The new me who allows myself to FEEL and teaches and inspires others to do the same. The true me that is ready to rock the next chapter of my life.
It is important to realise there are no “good” and “bad” emotions. There just “is”. When you detach from “good” and “bad” and embrace what “is”, allow yourself to FEEL what “is” this is when the magic of transmutation occurs. This is when you become an alchemist of your own life and can transform darkness to light.
If you resonate with my experience, if you are dealing with a difficult transition period, grieving period, or finding it difficult to let go, I ask you now to be brave and bold and find time, space and stillness to allow yourself to FEEL.
Be the magician of your own life. Transform your darkness to light and always follow the callings of your heart and soul. When you do this it can only lead you to magic!
With love & light,
Mandy xxx